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Bad Boys Versus Nice Guys Is it a subconscious mentality? Is there any hope in sight for a nice guy? Or is it a learned psychological defect somehow rooted in the biological/evolutionary make up of women? Would women knowingly pick the jerk out of a line up of eligible bachelors, even above a nice guy? If you're dying to know, read on. The dating game: I realize we live in the day and age of cyber sex, chat rooms, and on line dating (as if that's progress). In reality we haven't come that far from a corny 70's 90's TV show called "The Dating Game". I am a child of this time period and distinctly remember the show. Don't give up yet though Arnold Schwarzenegger was on the show twice and didn't receive a date either time. He's proved himself as a bad boy, being a cheater and liar. After the men answered the bachelorette's questions, she would then decide whom she would date from the panel of men. Bachelor number one."Will you treat me nice and respectfully or like trash and likely have multiple affairs only to break up with me every other week and spend our rent money on booze?" Just kidding here, but you are probably still wondering if women truly and purposefully pick jerks. A bigger pond to fish in: On line dating, chatting, texting, and email. 50 Shades of Grey Rising popularity of women exploring their sexuality, leaning toward vampires/paranormal and kinky encounters. The Bachelor and other TV shows featuring competitive dating. Fine line between genders Women work and play a lot more like men now, both socially and professionally. And on the flip side, men are more involved than ever in rearing children. Terminology I believe there is a difference between bad boys and jerks though. Jerks are the truly bad apple among the bad boy bunch. I'd also label them womanizers as well. Some bad boys aren't' that bad, just more complex, aloof/loners, the one to stand out in a crowd (or not go along with the crowd), do what he pleases. Does a woman always know whether she has just noticed the jerk or bad boy type of faade, but an OK guy under it all? No! Women are not able to pick up on the difference between a guy who doesn't follow the crowd or the guy that sleeps with a different woman every night for sport or the perfectly respectable guy who just has lots of tattoos. There are fine lines between all of these. The one common denominator is that most of these guys stand out, catch a woman's eye in the crowd. For the ladies: One difference I've noticed is that guys who merely look like bad boys do not settle for any woman. These guys can actually be quite deep and insightful, truly looking for the right woman. Yes, they may play around a little before they meet her, but that's typical. Pickers How Women Pick MenWith all the changes in society, one thing remains constant: Bad boys and jerks have significant advantages with the ladies. So how do women pick men in general? There are several theories on this topic: Modern psychology theories believe women are looking for what they don't have and since they are able to achieve more nowadays on their own, this list is smaller than ever for a companion they actually need. This could mean they are looking for a great family man who can parent and clean house as well as most women or it could mean another advantage for a jerk: women looking to date causally as many are less interested in marriage/kids and more focused on independence, career, and traveling. Our society is geared toward the "power of now" and instant gratification. More people than ever are not taking a job for long term benefits or making retirement plans. Just as women are focusing on short term goals like school and career. It used to be the main focus for women to search for a man to have a lifetime together and a husband to be a good provider. Things have changed so this leads to the question of whether the same rules apply for how women pick men. "Ovulation: One University of California, Los Angeles study found that ovulating women have evolved to prefer beefy, dominant guys when they're most fertile." The younger the women, the more fertile and this might be why younger women tend to go for jerks who place importance on looks and their own looks, or bad boys who seem a little tougher than most guys, or men perceived stronger as well. Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus), but I believe today we place such importance on some magical formula or a list of qualities for finding love, believing there must be a method that always works right? Wrong! It's mostly biological and chemical. Meeting someone is purely based on something we can't explain, but for starters it is based physically and chemically. No checklist as many self help books (and Oprah) have dreamt up. Ask any happily married woman if her husband was everything (or most things) on her checklist. Likely, he was not. We have taken the magic right out of finding our mates. There is scientific evidence that shows certain chemicals and parts of the brain light up when we are around someone we are in love with, feel romantic toward, or a connection with. How could there be one formula or method for everyone, when it's so personal? But there are signs. Men who are jerks know/read women better (well, they've been around a lot more and have a lot more experience than nice guys). Women send out a lot of subtle signs, like eye contact if you don't catch onto it quickly, there will be a guy who does. She may flip her hair, smile then turn away quickly. She may cross and uncross her legs, be talking with one guy but looking in your direction periodically. No fear: Bad boys and jerks have been rejected, but to them it's a numbers game. They may strike out, but they may not. They have a 50/0 chance of getting the girl. Whereas a nice guy may hesitate and not opt to pursue her until he thinks his odds are better. Bad boys don't wait or hesitate to pick up on a woman's cue. They beat every man in the room to her. Science within psychological fields repeatedly suggest that people are more interested in someone who likes them. Seems obvious, but many nice guys wait too long through the whole dating process from contact to first kisses. Cave days or common gender?The Caveman Theory: According to traditional evolutionary psychologists, our modern minds are very similar to the human brains millions of years ago. In other words, you have to ask yourself if we have evolved enough to dismiss the caveman argument? By now you've heard the ancient explanation almost as old as the time period it refers to The caveman mentality is supposed to explain psychologically why women prefer bad boys that may resemble our early ancestors. Bad boys commonly display characteristics associated with cave men such as: aggression, lacking intelligence (or low importance on intelligence), taller, bigger, dangerous, strong and strong willed. The list goes on. But all of this is such an obvious detachment from what really brings home the bacon in today's society or what makes for a healthier man. The Marlboro man may look like a bad boy but he's destined to die prematurely with all that smoking. Don't we all have the same tendencies and preferences that existed in cave days? Are men inclined to spread their "seed"? Are women searching for the most aggressive male? Ancient tribes hunted wild animals, lived in caves, and gathered in designated communities. However, women didn't necessarily "pick" their mates the most aggressive male "won" or "took" his mate. Perhaps he had to fight for the best female or prove his place in the community. Some scientists within Evolutionary Psychology also believe that because the human brain is so complex, it evolves and changes at a very slow pace over a very long period of time. Of course it would be difficult to pinpoint which aspects of the brain change slower or faster. You have the star studded couple, Kim Kardashian with Kanye West (a known bad boy, badass, and bad mouther). (My) Common Gender Theory: As women progress, and compete with men, like men, women are taking on very masculine traits, displaying obvious similarities in the two genders. I was a former career woman and now a stay at home mom I've seen how women act in both environments. I've seen myself act like a man to compete in the business world. I couldn't believe how masculine I had gotten from years of this environment and society's pressure for the equality of women. Yes, I dressed like a lady, but my drive, competitiveness, and overall personality traits would confuse anyone with the other gender. Not to mention keeping a boy toy at my side. The line between male and female is wearing thin in today's society. In cave days, men picked their mate, but today women typically decide on mate selection. Does a man have to be a bad boy to get noticed by women? Because the genders are blurring together, we know that women prefer a man to help raise the children and fill in where the woman can't. It depends on the woman's needs, on the type of man she picks. Women also assume, even a bad boy will be tame over time. There might be truth to this. Men tend to mellow out their bad boy ways around age 40 and today women are having children later in life so this is an even match. From everything explained above, you can see why jerks/bad boys still have an advantage. Psychology of SeekingGood guys seek or seem attracted to bad girls or damsels in distress while jerks seem to prey upon good girls. If you want to know how to pick out a good girl, ask a jerk. And likewise, nice guys seem to have a radar for women who need a lot of help (basket cases). This is why nice guys seem to end up in rebound relationships with a girl who has been duped by a jerk and in that moment of time she is a damsel in distress and not the best person to seek a relationship with.
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